We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
