i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
