Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
