I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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