You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
