so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just had sex bonerless
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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