Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
