miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
