Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
