Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
