Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
