when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
soo... how was my night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
