i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you had me at cake vodka
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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