On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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