i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
