I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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