What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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