i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
