oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
