Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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