spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
