Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
