I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
