Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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