it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
