Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
