Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There r osticjed everywhere
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
