grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
