Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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