you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
