just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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