I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
