So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
