he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
