I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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