Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
