they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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