in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
