Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
