I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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