Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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