So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
