put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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