you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
