You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
