So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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