i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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