it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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