We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
