Well douche your snatch and let's go!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
